The Defining Decade Book Review
Before I stepped into my 20s, I did a lot of research on what I should know and what I should be doing to make the most out of this monumentally shaping decade. One part of my research was reading The Defining Decade: Why your twenties matter– and how to make the most of them now by Meg Jay. The Defining Decade is split into three parts: Work, Love, and The Brain and The Body. Each section is broken down into different lessons that are accompanied by real-life stories. For some reason, I believed that when I finished this book I would be ready to conquer my twenties.
In the first section, Work, I learned about the importance of identity capital, weak ties, and customizing your own life. Jay defines identity capital as “our collection of personal assets”. It encompasses aspects of both work and personal life including how we speak and what goes on our resume. Understanding our identity capital is key to being aware of “what we bring to the adult marketplace”. It can be the difference between working at a local coffee shop and working at Google.
Weak ties can also make a difference in your career. We all know that life is about who you know not what you know and that's when weak ties come into play. Acquaintances who you barely know are more likely to have connections with people you have never come across and to have opinions differing from yours. These are the connections that help with interconnectedness and growth.
Taking advantage of the weak ties is one step toward customizing your life to be what you dreamed of. From a young age, we are taught that we can do anything we put our minds to. Although this is true to a certain extent it can be daunting. We all start with a pretty standard outline for life. As we learn and experience, we are able to customize our paths and differentiate our lives from the next person.
In the next section, Love, the main topics that stood out to me was the cohabitation effect and dating down. With the cohabitation effect, Jay said that the concept of living together being a good test of marriage is a common misperception. She emphasized that cohabitation can have a sliding effect rather than encouraging an actual commitment and decision. In this section, I also learned that dating or working down can be caused by previous experiences that we have not edited in order to be free. In order to be free, we have to understand that we are not the same person that experienced the trauma, but we are someone who is able to succeed despite them.
In the final section, The Brain and The Body, Jay teaches that when you reach your twenties you begin to establish finalized network connections in your brain that influence the remainder of your life. She also teaches that confidence comes from the outside in rather than the inside out. Twentysomethings are learning for their future through every aspect of their twenties including jobs, relationships, and plans. Jobs help acquire necessary technical and social skills, relationships help prepare them for partnerships, whether business or personal, and plans help guide and project for the future.
Overall, I think this book is a good starting point for anyone who feels lost in their twenties or is preparing to enter their twenties. Meg Jay covers work, love, and physical being with relatable stories from people also in their twenties.
Sincerely,
Multifaceted Black Girl
